


Pin Me To The Map (This Is Where I Belong)

by roxashasboxers



Category: Laramie (TV)
Genre: Blowjobs, Bodily Restraint, Gags, Gay Cowboys, Internalized Homophobia, Jess is stubborn and needy, Light BDSM, M/M, Outdoor Sex, PWP, Rough Sex, Secret Relationship, Size Kink, Slim is so gentle, anachronistic homophobia, bandana is a word jfc, bottom!Jess, brat!Jess, sub!Jess, top!Slim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 11:07:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20487893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roxashasboxers/pseuds/roxashasboxers
Summary: tag under: angsty bisexual drifter finds a home with a gentle ranch hand that can rough him up when he wants it





	Pin Me To The Map (This Is Where I Belong)

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that didn't take long. I didn't write more than a ficlet earlier because I have other obligations, but here we are! (Don't worry. Other obligations are being seen to!)
> 
> Warnings: internalized homophobia, sort of kind of minor rape fantasy if you squint but mostly just rough sex and insecurities (details in end notes if you're uncertain), bdsm undertones.

The bandana leaves his mouth feeling gritty and dry, dirt and fabric crunching between his teeth as he bites back a grunt. Slim’s body is large and hot behind him, big hands heavy on his bare ass, chaps smooth against the back of his naked thighs, cock hard and close. It’s hot out, sun just starting to sink, and sweat drips down their bodies, eases the slide against each other.

Slim’s breath is harsh against the back of his neck and Jess digs his fingers into the fence, tense with anticipation.

“Ready?” Slim asks, loud in the silence around them, and Jess nods, firm and fast. It’s not rare for them to do it like this, hushed and hurried and stinking of gun oil, but Slim is even less patient today, a rarity Jess revels in. This won’t be gentle, none of the slow kisses Slim loves to drag over his skin, just quick and hard and dirty, sex the way Jess knows it best.

Not that he doesn’t like being doted on. It’s just not something he’s good at, making love, not like he’s good at the other stuff, at fucking and grinding and burning out, at driving back against Slim’s cock until he bites down on Jess’ shoulder, maybe draws a little blood, makes it hurt.

Jess bends forward, gripping the fence rail, arching back impatiently. 

“Do it.” He growls past the gag, pressing back, and Slim’s dick snags on his rim. Their breaths catch and Slim’s hands shift on his sweaty hips, pushing him forward, thumbs prying him open. Jess bends with it, burying his face against his shoulder, sucking hard at the gag.

Slim presses forward slowly, gently, always taking his goddamn time, and Jess rolls his hips defiantly, dragging him in.

“Jess.” Slim hisses, fingers spreading out against the small of Jess’ back, holding him still, but it’s too late, he’s already in, and Jess groans deep in his chest, already feeling full despite the fact that it’s not even half of what Slim has to give.

He loves it, feels weak for it and hates that, feels complete and rotten in turns. Can’t believe he does this, can’t believe he _ likes _ it, can’t believe how pathetic he is when it comes to Slim, how easy he rolls over and takes it and wants to do so again and again. 

He grunts, shaking away the thoughts, rising on the balls of his feet as he tries to push for more, and Slim complies carefully, edging out and then gliding deeper, always so goddamn gentle like he thinks they’re doing something good, something holy.

_ It’s not. _ Jess wants to tell him. _ This is wrong and you know it. Men shouldn’t do this. _

And yet.

He wants.

He thinks he’d cry if Slim ever agreed with him out loud, ever said no.

It’s so fucked up.

Slim pushes forward, hand slipping through the sweat on Jess’ back, pushing up his shirts and running over scars. His right hand curls around Jess’ hipbone like a vice, holding him in place, and that should be scary, being held down, but Jess finds he likes that, too, is soothed to know he couldn’t fight this, as if that makes it okay that he doesn’t.

His belly rubs against the fence, skin scratching open, and he thinks he’ll have splinters there later but doesn’t care, likes it even. It makes this feel less wrong, all the sharp little pains like punishment, reminding him not to enjoy this.

He will, he always does, but he basks in the hurt too, pretending for a moment that this isn’t a choice. He squeezes his eyes shut, chest growing tight with self hatred, and thrusts his own body back with an angry growl.

Slim’s hands slip as he bottoms out unexpectedly, and Jess winces at the sharp sting. Slim makes an irritated sound behind him and shuffles forward, standing closer, and then he’s pressed right up against Jess, pinning him to the fence fully, and Jess finds he can’t move at all and he fucking _ loves _ it.

“Don’t do that.” Slim growls, and Jess likes that too, that commanding tone, that rare anger, likes knowing it’s always for him, that nobody else can drag Slim to that edge. It makes it feel a little more even, like he’s still got a little power here, a little dignity. Like he’s still a man in his own right even as he spreads his legs wider.

He bows his head, pretending to be cowed, but really arching his back to take Slim deeper, and Slim _ knows_, of course he does, hands grabbing Jess’ hips and holding tight. Jess tries to push back and finds he _ can’t_, and his cock leaks. God, that’s messed up, too.

Slim makes him wait like that, holds him there and pants quietly, glaring down at the back of Jess’ neck, and Jess shivers, flush rising up his body, both wanting to preen and bow in shame under the attention. He fidgets, nails catching on wood slivers, feet flexing, tongue dragging more of the bandana into his mouth just so he can feel something swell against his tongue. 

Once he’s sure Jess is going to cooperate, Slim pulls back, gentle and easy, so slow, and then he eases forward again and Jess finds he can think and it makes him want to tear out his own hair. He growls quietly, twisting his hips. They don’t move but Slim can certainly feel his muscles flexing, his urgency for more, and he’s a little tougher on the next thrust, but still not like Jess wants.

He wants it to burn, wants to feel his muscles strain and his skin chafe as he’s forced open, wants Slim to throw this at him so he doesn’t have time to think about it, just act and move and feel. He wants Slim to just make him _ take _ it.

“Calm down.” Slim says, and there’s a little bit of amusement in it now that Jess can’t move and hurt himself. It makes Jess angry, and he scrapes his face against the roughness of his shirt sleeve like a petulant child. 

Slim ignores it, rocking back and forth again, building up speed and covering more ground but still so gentle, and this wasn’t how today was supposed to go; Slim was supposed to fuck him the way he kissed him earlier, overbearing and aggressive and consuming, hands big on his wrists as he pinned Jess against a tree. 

Jess rolls the gag in his mouth for a moment and then reaches up to pull it out. Slim slows even more, then pauses curiously. “Do you not want it anymore?”

“I want you to fuck me.” Jess growls, sounding mean even to his own ears, and he didn’t want to do that, knows the way it makes Slim stiffen and his eyes sort of go away, face smooth with hidden hurt.

This time he just chuckles though, leaning in to nuzzle Jess’ neck, and it makes Jess huff with irritation. “Pretty sure that’s what I’m doing.”

“No, you’re…” Jess squirms, not sure what to say. _ Making love to me? _

“Just… hurry up.” He says instead, talking quiet in his doubt.

“We’ve got time.” Slim says happily, petting a hand through Jess’ hair, and it feels so good even if he wants to punch Slim for the patronizing way he does it. Bastard doesn’t even realize.

“_Slim…_”

“Alright, fine.” Slim says with a final laugh, still completely fucking chipper, and Jess rolls his shoulders, gripping onto the fence again in preparation.

It’s a good thing he does, because Slim thrusts into him _ hard_.

Jess groans, loud and full enough to echo, actually startling himself with it, and Slim grins against his neck. He takes the bandana from Jess’ clenched fist and holds it up to his face. “Want this back?”

Jess takes it roughly, shoving the fabric back into his mouth and biting his anger into it just as Slim pushes into him again. He doesn’t give Jess a moment to recover, drawing back and then forward, over and over, hips slapping against Jess’ hard enough to send sweat splattering, and Jess chokes around his own moan, scrambling to hold himself up. 

His belly aches as it’s pressed into the fence and he spreads his legs, bracing his foot against a vertical beam, putting all his strength into just holding on while Slim tries to break his goddamn back.

Fuck, it’s _ perfect._

He can’t move, can’t even breathe, can only hold on and take it as Slim rams him open, gives him exactly what he asked for, just like always, _ goddamn_. It makes his eyes hot and his throat tight and he sucks at the bandana needily. One of Slim’s hands leaves his hip and travels up under his shirt, flat against his belly and then forcing him back and upright, fingers hot against a nipple.

Jess whimpers, turning his head back against Slim’s neck, grinding his hips into the fence, wishing Slim would reach inside and jerk him off almost as much as he wants to stay just like this, held and helpless in those immense arms.

Slim’s ankles tuck around his own and he flips them, makes the whole world spin around, and suddenly Jess is leaning back against a broad chest, feet kicked out wide, completely off balance. Slim doesn’t even pause, just fucks up into his helpless body, breathing hot against his neck. Jess turns away from it, exposes his throat like a goddamn dog, presses his chest into Slim’s fingers and is grateful for the bandana because without it he would _ beg_.

For something, he doesn’t know, feels so full, being pulled down onto Slim’s immense dick, so lost in his own pleasure and he can’t even move, can’t fuck back, can’t do anything but _ hang there. _

It takes him a while to realize his hands are free, and then he brings them down, pulls his own cock out and jerks himself weakly. His coordination is shot, each jolt into his body making him twitch and spasm and lose his place, and he whines, trying so hard to get more.

“Leave it.” Slim growls, pushing his hand away, and Jess doesn’t even think about it, just obeys. He reaches up instead, under his own shirt and grabs at his pecs, pinching his nipples hard, cock fucking into nothing while Slim ruts up with relentless strength, and he’s growling in Jess’ ear, drowning the whole world out. It’s fucking perfect, the way he moves and grips and holds, the way he fills the space around Jess until he can’t even think, can’t do anything but feel and try to breath. 

Fuck, why can’t they always do this? Why can’t Slim just fuck him like he owns him?

That-

_ Fuck_. Jess finds he suddenly can’t breathe for other reasons, and his hands drop down, one falling back to the fence behind them while the other wraps around Slim’s wrist, and he doesn’t know if he wants him to stop or give more but he definitely doesn’t want to think.

He says the other man’s name, or tries to, forgetting the gag, but Slim hears him and he must know what to do because he grabs Jess’ cock and fucks his own hand with it.

Jess’ thighs tremble, blood rocketing through his body, harder than he’s ever been in his whole life, nipples and ass aching perfectly, so goddamn full and ready for it. His hand is loose around Slim’s now, just along for the ride while Slim jerks him off, and he gasps, staring up at the endless sky and the incoming sunset and he feels so perfectly inconsequential.

Nothing matters but the way Slim fucks him, the sharp drag of his dick in Jess’ ass, the way his callouses brush against sensitive skin and the way his teeth press against Jess’ ear. He’s full and happy, strung out like laundry, light and fluttering in the wind, completely weightless and so, so _ clean_, he’s never felt this _ clean _ before.

He feels like the sky is closing in, like he’s floating, rising up from the ground, chest arched upwards, head thrown back. Color folds in on him, and Slim is still there, holding him, keeping him, assuring him that this is where he belongs, not letting him float away but pinning him here, and he shivers and squirms and loves it all.

Jess comes hard, fiercely, eyes squeezed shut and teeth bared with it, hissing and grunting and making awful, broken sounds as Slim fits all his parts back together. It hurts, it burns, it’s the purest feeling in the world, so completely consuming, and he grabs onto anything he can reach, feels the sting of splinters in his hand and Slim’s pulse, fast but so slow by comparison, so far from what he’s feeling, from the impossible rush of his own blood.

His body throbs with pleasure even as his orgasm ebbs away, muscles trembling uselessly and Slim holds him up, still standing tall, and it takes time for Jess to realize it’s not over, that Slim is still inside of him, hot and heavy and pushing. He sobs something broken, cock twitching desperately in Slim’s giant hand, and then he’s being spun around again, chest slammed down on the fence.

Slim grabs his left thigh and lifts it, braces Jess’ leg against the middle rail, and then he’s pistoning furiously, taking his own pleasure in an uncharacteristic show of greed and Jess hangs there, just letting it happen, letting the world ooze and flutter around him, cheek rubbing raw against the top rail. He opens his mouth, panting, and the bandana falls out, blocking his face and he doesn’t care, doesn’t notice, doesn’t see, just feels and accepts and wonders if he’s still coming.

His right leg gives out suddenly and he drops against Slim with a weak grunt, but Slim’s hands adjust, propping him back up against the fence, letting his ankle hang crookedly, foot dragging against the grass and he gasps again as he feels Slim’s belly flexing against his back, feels his hot cum spilling inside.

It’s filthy and wrong and he _ loves _ it, finds he has just enough strength to roll his hips, to beg for more with his broken body, to squeeze every last drop free and take it all, make a mess of himself for Slim. He doesn’t even really have it in himself to feel disgusted anymore, thoughts full of the need for more, for Slim, body singing with gratitude.

Slim stays close, pulsing inside, fingers digging tight into Jess’ hips, just holding him there, curled over his body and breathing softly against Jess’ heated skin. He clears his throat gently and nuzzles Jess’ ear, warm and sappy and sated.

Jess chokes on his own breath when Slim pulls out, falling when his support steps away. Slim catches him, surprised, and Jess doesn’t even have it in him to be embarrassed that he fell, not really, though maybe a small part of him cringes in shame, imagines himself as he is, unable to even stand, with one boot on and his jeans tangled around that ankle, Slim’s cum dripping out of him and his own shirt wet with pleasure. 

A hand brushes across his sensitive cock and drives the thoughts away.

He feels himself dropping, the sky pulling back and then there’s grass beneath him, green and sweet and tickling soft, and his head is on Slim’s thigh, just inches away from his wet cock. Jess licks his lips, tongue wanting to taste and his jaw aches in anticipated exhaustion. He must be some kind of animal, so filthy to want this at all, but especially now, after, so weak like this.

Slim’s fingers are large and gentle in his hair and Jess closes his eyes, trying to focus on that instead, but the scent is there, musky and enticing. He can’t resist.

Jess scoots his face up Slim’s thigh weakly, stretching his tongue out as far as it can go, just barely brushing Slim’s spent cock. The fingers in his hair tighten and he hears Slim hiss, over sensitive.

“_Jess_.”

“Let me.” He says, voice sounding ragged and hollow and he forces himself not to think about it, to roll over and move closer, dick in the dirt and arms on Slim’s knees. He licks out at Slim’s cock, savoring the taste of sex, and his cheeks flare red with shame as he thinks about what he’s doing, how low he is. 

Slim’s hand cups his head then, light and coaxing, and he makes soft sounds of pain but he lets Jess lick him anyway, lets him tongue over his cock and lap everything up like a filthy mutt.

“Oh God.” Slim says, and his other hand is on Jess’s forearm, squeezing his wrist, thighs trembling.

Jess licks at his cock, tongue sliding under it and feeling its weight, its heat, thinking about the last time he did this, deep in the dark and under Slim’s sheets. He feels Slim’s fingers curling in his hair, growing tighter, and he moves faster, licking more, trying to get it all before-

Slim pulls him off with a gasp.

Jess waits, panting, working his jaw, Slim’s hand in his hair, and then Slim releases him, lets him sag back against his thigh and Jess rubs his face against Slim's jeans before any tears can fall.

_What is wrong with him?_

Slim’s fingers are gentle again, stroking down his neck and the very top of his back, just under his shirts, and Jess lays there, eyes closed, lets himself be soothed by it and tries to drift. He feels…

Exhausted, for one, but unbelievably sated in the way nothing else can manage. Not booze, not work, not even a gunfight can take it out of him like this, and he relishes in the calmness inside his head.

There’s still shame and guilt and anger at himself, but it’s all subdued, all far away, off over the horizon and fizzling out with the sunset. He licks his lips and sighs.

“So was it good for you?” Slim mumbles softly, and Jess cracks a weak smile. He doesn’t answer because they don’t really talk about this, but he sighs with open contentment in response. Slim shivers with satisfaction.

“We should get cleaned up.” He says after awhile, and Jess nods, stirring from a doze. He moves to lever himself up and slips, body still too weak, and doesn’t have it in him to protest when Slim rolls him off of his lap.

He closes his eyes again, head pillowed in the cool grass, feeling it leach the heat from his sweaty legs. Slim stumbles around nearby, back and forth and then he’s leaning over Jess, pulling his leg up to clean him with a wet bandana. Jess doesn’t even flinch, just lays there and lets it happen and enjoys the peace.

Slim helps him sit up, rights his shirts and his jeans, finds his other boot kicked off to the side, and then Jess is dressed, leaning one arm on the fence. He feels like he could drop right off the earth if he wasn’t careful, which is why he startles when Slim kisses him.

It’s sweet and chaste and soft, accompanied by the gentle brush of a thumb against his stubbled cheek, and he lets that happen, too, lets Slim pour out his affection and thinks it might be okay to keep doing this, if they just don’t acknowledge it and pray for absolution and never, ever let anyone find out.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, NOW back to your regularly scheduled Naruto fic...
> 
> Detailed warning: Jess wants Slim to be rough with him so he doesn’t have to think about what they’re doing, and it may come off as rape fantasy-esque at a few moments.


End file.
